SheSue Experience

I work for a dinner cruising company so I’m always hearing crazy stories about what happens on the cruises. One of the boat’s Bosun’s came across this great list. He is retired Navy and has even crazier stories about life at sea. He claims that many of these points are quite accurate when it comes to shipboard life. Truly makes you wonder why anyone would work on a boat.

1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
2. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
3. Four hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your face and mumble “Sorry, wrong rack.”
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head to chest level.
5. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while soaping.
6. Every time there’s a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you’re nauseous.
7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to “high”.
8. Don’t watch TV except for movies in the middle of the night. Also, have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.
9. Leave your lawnmower running in your living room for 24 hours a day for proper noise level.
10. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
11. Once a week blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure that the wind carries the soot across and onto your neighbors house. Laugh at him when he curses you.
12. Buy a trash compactor and use it only once a week. Store up garbage in other side of your bathtub.
13. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Optional: canned ravioli or cold soup.
14. Make up your family menu a week ahead without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.
15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can, then run out into your yard and break out the garden hose.
16. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together.
17. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 days before drinking.
18. Invite at least 25 people you don’t really like to come and visit for a couple of months.
19. Install a florescent lamp on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.
20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills on your front and back doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass through one of them.
21. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.
22. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.
23. Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout, “Man Overboard, Ship Recovery!”, or, run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots, pans, and dishes off the counter onto the floor, then yell at your wife for not having the place “stowed for sea.”
24. Put on the headphones from your stereo (don’t plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) “Stove manned and ready”. Stand there for three or four hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular), “Stove secured.” Roll up the headphone cord and put the headphones away.